If someone were to ask me who I was, a string of adjectives would be highly ineffective as it would be for any living being. You would only get a one dimensional, lack luster narration empty of struggle, joy, self-doubt, love, and other mundane emotions of a perfectly imperfect human. See, as you live life, you absorb and you learn; while nonetheless, you also leave little shards of yourself each time something shatters your reality and stirs up your world. Therefore, if you want to truly know who I am, look in my drawer of sheet music, look through my collection of composers on my IPod, look between the keys of my piano – that is where I am and where I will always be.
D-F-A. At simple glance, they are just letters, but if you look at them as a minor chord, then you will see they represent a beautiful day tainted by a slight pangs of disappointment, as if the sky and trees glow of happiness but all you see is a bitter failed attempt at success. If we meet on the street as strangers, I would not seem the same as I am here on paper because I am rather stoic in the fact that I try not act on pure transient feelings. By no means am I saying I am heartless or austere, for I am quite the opposite, rather I have recognized that people are too often hurt by ephemeral whims, and I have decided that I want to be a steadfast rock for others. Like I said previously, I still feel the emotions that come with being human; thus, I sit at the bench next to a massive piece of wood that vibrates strings in certain patterns in order for my inner thoughts to surface and process. But why the piano? Why music? If you break down music there are two parts: theory and dynamics. The theory aspect is highly analytical and follows an exorbitant list of guidelines while the dynamic side encourages abstract ideas and personal interpretations. Although they have stark differences, the two aspects blend beautifully beneath the notes of a song. My old teacher said that music is completely unique art because you learn the rules for years just to know how to break them properly. The complexity and depth of music enamors me. That is why I choose piano because it allows me to express the curiosities of the world all from a single bench. Even though I have not been in an fiery romance – or any romance for that matter- I have felt the bliss of realizing you are loved, the drama of misunderstandings, the heartache of a lost companion because of Chopin. Because of Debussy, I have felt what it is like to be old and withered walking down the damp streets of France at dusk reminiscing about how many lives have touched you, how many you have touched, and how many lives have been lost. Because of Yiruma, I have felt what it is like to be a mother giving up her child because she realizes that she cannot provide the life the little baby deserves and she dreams of him or her achieving what she never could and she loves her child so dearly that reality breaks her heart.
It is odd for me to express such a private part of myself, but without it, I would not be me. Music has taught me to practice diligent habits, to crave depth, and to appreciate the fullness of life. So, take a peek in the drawers and in my IPod and at my piano because all of it is me.
See ya later